Sometimes…when I’m feeling reflective and a little silly, I imagine what the “soundtrack” of my life would be.

Yeah…I know it’s corny…and I don’t care.  At all.

In all seriousness, music has always been important to me, and I’ve always been fascinated with the way that a really good song can embody one emotion entirely.

So…today…I give you the “soundtrack of my life”, November 2009 edition…

1.  Window of Opportunity, Marijke JANE

2.  I Need You Now, Lady Antebellum

3.  White Horse, Taylor Swift

4.  Find Out Who Your Friends Are, Tracy Lawrence

5.  I Don’t Have To Be Me (‘Til Monday), Steve Azar

6.  Cowboy Casanova, Carrie Underwood

7.  Undo It, Carrie Underwood

8.   When It Rains, Eli Young Band

9.  Wild at Heart, Gloriana

10.  Lot of Leavin’ Left To Do, Dierks Bentley

Ten songs seems like a nice round number to include in a soundtrack, right?

Now, I’m not saying that all of these songs illustrate what’s going on in my life right now.  But, each song in it’s own way encapsulates a feeling…or something like that…

I need to tell you a little story.

Once upon a time (and by that I mean last week) there was a girl named Davita (aka…me) that was fed up with her immediate dating prospects and disgusted by her own history of choices in men.

So Davita decided to sign up for eHarmony.

Davita was PERPLEXED by the hours (slight exaggeration) that it took her to fill out the eHarmony questionnaire regarding her 40,000 dimensions of compatibility.  I mean for real folks…it took A WHILE. 

But, fill it out she did.  And then she added pictures.  And then she sat on it for a few days trying to decide if she wanted to open her profile up for “matches”. 

And…after some consideration she (I) did. 

And, at first eHarmony told me I was not compatible with ANYONE.  (I found that mildly depressing.)  Must have been a glitch because the next day I had like 25 “matches”. 

So…I get matches every day that I don’t always have the time to “maintenance” because, quite frankly, I’m a busy person and I don’t have hours each day to “close matches” and participate in “guided communication”. 

Subsequently, I’m thinking about outsourcing the maintenance of my eHarmony profile to my friend S…I know she would hook a sister up. 

And, because I have no embarrassment threshold whatsoever, I’m apparently bringing you along as I go through this “process”.  That’s right.  I’m going to blog about it. 

eHarmony related topic #1…

“Closing” Matches

You see…”Closing” someone is the eHarmony equivalent of telling someone that you “just aren’t that into them”. 

And when you “close” someone, you choose a reason explaining why you aren’t interested.

There are some predictable reasons…

*I want to pursue another relationship.

*I think our age difference is too great.

*I think we live too far apart.

Etc…Etc…

But I want to propose adding a few less traditional responses to my profile specifically that would greatly benefit me in this process…

*You are too short.  Yes…I know that I’m only 5’5” and should subsequently be “okay” with dating someone who is 5’9”…but I’m a sister who likes to wear heels…and I, quite frankly, think tall guys are hot.

*Really?  You didn’t think about using some type of spell check on your profile?  Because when you say that… “I’m looking for a girl with a great sense of humir.”… Yeah… That’s a turn-off for me. 

*You were wearing Ed Hardy in your profile picture.  Enough said. 

My favorite reason to “close” someone is “OTHER”.  Yeah…when people close me and use the reason “OTHER”… I just take that to mean that they pretty much think I look like a troll and/or…  They are not a fan of the witty sarcasm (aka…cynicism) in my profile. 

So…am I being too petty?  Or too picky?  Or maybe…just picky enough? 

Only time will tell, I guess…but for now…I’m finding the whole thing mildly entertaining and that’s just enough motivation for me to keep it up!

I’ve had occasion recently to be mad at men.

Men at work.

Men in my personal life.

Men I’m related too.

Men that make me mad.

Men that make me cry.

Men that make me wish I had decided to join a convent years ago.

I think you get the point. 

And, I’ve said some not very nice words about men in general. 

But here’s the thing…

I believe that the Bible mentions men being made “in the image of God”…

(Genesis 1:26)

Hmmm…convicting, yes?

So today, exactly three weeks from my 30^th birthday…

I’m trying to have a little faith that there are “good guys” still standing.

And that maybe, just maybe, God will bring one into my life that doesn’t make me want to use dirty words.

I like this movie quote…

“In the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you’re behaving like the best friend.” – The Holiday, Arthur Abbott

I like these shoes…

I like this weather…

I like this verse…

“”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

A post in which I review music…favorably.

I mentioned in this post that I was meeting Marijke for dinner and in the process acquiring a copy of her CD.

WHOA.

I might be a little biased…or a lot really…but let me guarantee you something…

It’s good.

May I say…great even?

I’ve found myself listening to the music all day long at work and as I drive in the car.

So much so that I forgot this music is written by someone I know…

So much so that I’m tempted to sing along…IN MY OFFICE.

So, I’m pausing for a moment to write this blog for two reasons.

1. Marijke…WELL DONE.  And when you go to bed tonight, not knowing exactly what the next days of your life may hold, know that your music has touched at least one person…me. 
2. Anyone reading this that isn’t Marijke…I urge you to buy this CD.  Like…right now.  I’m a particularly big fan of tracks #3, 5, 6, and 7.  #1, 2, 4, and 8 are pretty great as well. 

It seems petty during a time such as this to feel some of the feelings that I’ve felt today. 

(feel, feelings, felt, that seems horribly redundant)

But, alas, the pettiness or trivial nature of these feelings aside, I’ve felt things that have made me sad and questioning where my life is headed right now. 

And I think that even though there are larger things going on in the world, and larger things going on in MY world…I’m justified in giving these feelings a moment of pause.  I sometimes forget that I’m allowed to be sad…that I’m allowed to mourn things I’ve lost, even if the loss is more figurative than concrete…that I’m allowed to wish things were different…that I’m allowed to wish I had expected more for myself.

And I think it’s important to realize that these feelings are “normal”.  Those feelings of sadness do not mean that I am not happy with my life.  That mourning the loss of a friendship does not diminish the many, many friendships that still fill my life.

That sometimes maybe even anger is a valid emotion that needs to be felt.

You may remember that late last year I declared my 29^th year the “Year of Sexy”.

To say that I missed the mark from time to time while trying to find “my sexy” would be a vast understatement.  But, I suppose when all was said and done I certainly embraced it a bit more than I had in years past.

So, I won’t call the YOS a success…but I can’t deem it a failure.

And hey, I still have just over three weeks left in my 29^th year…you never know what could happen.

As I begin to look (with excitement!!!) towards 30…I’ve started to contemplate my goals for this year.  What will I wish for when I blow out my candles?  What will I strive to achieve? 

I have a few ideas already.  I want to be more financially responsible.  I want to get more serious about saving for retirement.  I want to be a better employee.  I want to spend more time with my family…

But what do I want for ME?

I feel like I’ve reached a time in my existence here where things are…shall we say…normal.

Meaning…I finally see what my life is going to be like in Dallas…and it’s good.

The first two months here were so much about surviving and keeping myself together that little time was spent simply “being”.

That seems to finally be changing.

I have the things I need to get by from day to day and now I am concentrating on a few things that have fallen by the wayside during the past few months.

Primarily…WORKING OUT.  Need I say more?  Davita hasn’t exactly been making time to get to the gym.  I’ve already signed up to run a 5K in December…I’m contemplating a run in November and January…and unless I unearth some latent motivation, I’m going to have some issues.  Furthermore, I’ve gained back exactly nine pounds of that weight I fought so hard to lose earlier this year. 

That’s basically nine pounds of Mexican food and Chick Fil A.

So…it’s time to hit it hard again.  Be a little nazi about it. 

Because I know I CAN do it. 

It all starts tomorrow. Wish me luck.

My closest friend in Alaska was named Marijke.  I’ve blogged about her before.

(Speaking of…did you know that she has a CD!!!!?????)

Long story short…she is good people.  I like her.  And we have had a lot of fun together.

When I decided to move back to Texas…I knew I would miss her.

But then….oh….it’s so exciting I can barely type it…

She decided to move here too.

And yesterday…she arrived.  I was excited. 

So…tonight I get to enjoy PFC with the MJG…

Exciting for a variety of reasons…

1. I love PFC.
2. I love MJG.
3. I finally get a copy of her new CD. 

It better be autographed.

I moved out of my apartment in Eagle River at the end of July…exactly two months ago.

In the last two months I’ve slept in the following places… 

My friend J’s house when I was visiting Dallas.

My friend K’s house when I was visiting Dallas.

My sister’s couch.

My niece’s bed when she was out of town.

An air mattress at my friend  H’s house.

One night at my mom’s!

Sleeping bag in a tent in AK.

Random roadside AK hotel.

My cousin A’s living room floor.

Because that’s what nomads do.

They move around.  They are flexible…and they are thankful for friends that allow them to crash on a couch as they are trying to figure their life out.

In short…I’m not cut out to be a nomad AT ALL.

And so tomorrow…I’m moving into my new apartment. It’s probably going to be pretty shabby chic for a while…far more shabby than chic…but I’m pretty sure I’ll get by. 

I’m excited to have a home again.  A bed.  My own toilet.  Stability. 

So…for at least the next twelve months…I’ll be in the same place.  And after a summer that was anything but stable, that is exciting!